Abhiroop Das
Helmed by Harry Lighton, ‘Pillion’ follows Colin, a young gay man who is swept into the world of BDSM relationships following a chance encounter with Ray. While Colin juggles odd jobs and harbors a desire to become a singer, Ray is a biker who roams the streets of England with his gang. Where these two drastically different paths clash, however, is in this often undefined relationship. Colin often has to navigate the boundaries of consent, intimacy, and the extremes all by himself. By the end of this queer romantic dark comedy movie, adapted from the novel ‘Box Hill’ by Adam Mars-Jones, the title takes on a symbolic meaning. While the relationship itself may have a clear dom and sub separation, it is up to Colin to decide where he stands in the larger scheme of things, and whether he can become the master of his own fate. SPOILERS AHEAD.
Pillion Plot Synopsis
‘Pillion’ starts with a striking image of Ray, a biker, zooming past Colin, who is in a car with his barbershop quartet. The two meet again at a pub where Colin is singing, and though Ray initially doesn’t pay him any heed, he later slips in a note. Colin lives with his parents and works odd jobs to make a living, but that changes when Ray calls him on Christmas night, asking to meet. While Colin goes in expecting a date, Ray instead asks for oral sex, and Colin agrees, albeit in a rushed fashion. Before long, he is initiated into a BDSM relationship, complete with strict boundaries and a high degree of emotional detachment. Colin is tasked with cleaning the home and cooking for Ray, all the while he has to sleep on the rug and obey all of Ray’s commands.
As the relationship progresses awkwardly, Colin’s parents express a wish to have dinner with Ray. Things get particularly heated when Ray gives Colin no special attention on his birthday and instead demands that he cook food. However, later, Ray’s biker gang throws a surprise party for Colin, which involves camping and a host of sexual activities. At its peak, Colin is asked to lie down along with four men, all of whom are in a similar BDSM relationship. There, Ray has missionary sex with Colin for the first time, but still refuses to kiss him. Some time later, Colin urges Ray to meet his family as his mother is terminally ill with cancer, and Ray reluctantly agrees. During their dinner, Colin’s mother disapproves of their relationship after learning about the dominance-and-submission dynamic and Ray’s lack of emotional expression towards Colin.
After Colin’s mother dies due to her disease, Ray allows Colin to sleep in the bed for the first time, and not long after, Colin confesses that he has real feelings. However, when he follows that up with a request to sleep in the same bed and to have a day off from BDSM every week, the two have a fight. In retaliation, Colin escapes with Ray’s bike and rides it into the night. When he comes back, Ray agrees to both demands, and a happier prospect for the two of them begins to emerge. On one such break day, Ray performs oral sex on Colin, and not long after, the two share a kiss. Instead of this being a happy moment, however, both are left with mixed emotions, Ray more than Colin.
Pillion Ending: Why Does Ray Disappear From Colin’s Life?
At the end of ‘Pillion,’ Ray vanishes from Colin’s life the day after their first kiss to sever any possibility of a romantic connection. Although the kiss can be interpreted as the high point of their brief relationship, the look Colin sees on Ray’s face immediately says otherwise. Notably, this appears to be a case of unreliable presentation, as the version of Ray’s expression we are shown at the start is different from the one from Colin’s point of view. In the former, Ray’s look seems muted, with only the subtlest of micro-expressions on his face. This is far more open to interpretation than what we see later, directly framed from Colin’s perspective. Here, Ray is visibly, undeniably sad; it is perhaps the face that Colin remembers most hauntingly.
While there is no one answer as to which of the two Ray faces is the real one, the differences between them shine more light on Colin’s psyche instead. As he remembers Ray’s expression as one of sadness, he likely internalizes the idea that their relationship is doomed, and that is only doubled down by Ray’s disappearance. From the very start, Ray has been depicted as a biker who prefers a high degree of emotional detachment, not just from Colin but from life itself. However, that characteristic hides a deeper layer of avoidance from any sort of responsibility, especially emotional. The duo’s kiss is precipitated by Colin defeating Ray in a pretend-wrestling bout, and while it isn’t meant to be serious, it nonetheless signals a shift in the power dynamics, one that goes out of Ray’s control.
Colin’s escape with the bike, followed by his wrestling win, and lastly, the kiss, all compound to deny Ray the abusive form of control he has come to enjoy in the relationship. Once that element is resolved, Ray is forced to consider a genuine power negotiation between two people who might have feelings for each other, and that possibility likely instills fear in him. As such, instead of embracing a healthier dynamic, he decides to run and nip things in the bud. This act essentially completes his biker motif, which has been there from the start, as he comes in and goes out of the narrative just the same. The movie conveys that by replaying its first scene, where Ray zooms past Colin. Except this time, the very next scene is that of Colin in a car facing the opposite direction, which shows that it is he who has grown the most in this brief time.
Will Ray Return to Colin?
By the end of the movie, any chance of Ray returning to the Colin is effectively squashed. Colin moves on in life with a wholly new perspective, and given that Ray no longer has a place in this framework, it makes sense that he is out of the story for good. Although it is apparent that the relationship the two share is more than just sexual in nature, Ray’s exit stops the evolution mid-way. For him to return, as such, would reactivate the toxic lifestyle that Colin has flushed out of his system, and is thus a step down for his character development. ‘Pillion’ is a story about a biker who is always on the move, and fittingly enough, that is exactly how the movie ends. Ray’s return would force the narrative to give up on his identity as an escapist, and while that can be a character arc by itself, it is not in keeping with the larger point.
What Ray leaves behind in his departure is not something physical, but something experiential. As such, while he may never return to Colin’s life, there are definite impressions that now not only impact Colin’s sexual preference, but also how he interacts with other people on an emotional level. This isn’t necessarily a positive influence either, as Colin actively has to move past the trauma and figure out what he truly wants in life, and this is what the final moments of the movie cover. As such, the fact that Ray will likely never return is both poetic in nature and has a real, transformative touch to it. While he may have kick-started Colin’s journey, the movie reminds us that he is not the end goal and there is a lot that Colin has left to explore and define for himself.
Was Colin Groomed? Did He Love Ray?
While Colin and Ray’s relationship is largely consensual, there are clear elements of abuse and toxicity that make the dynamic far more complicated. To begin with, Colin’s first meeting with Ray is intended to be a romantic one, as at the end of it all, what Colin craves is genuine intimacy. Instead, what he has with Ray is a thinly negotiated, largely sexual arrangement that effectively warps Colin’s understanding of how sexuality and romance are connected. Perhaps the most abusive point in their time together is the camping trip, when Ray has oral sex with another man while Colin has to watch. The duo never decided about anything of that order prior to the trip, and the fact that Ray then proceeds to have passionate sex with Colin can potentially be interpreted as him toying with Colin further.
The brief time Colin spends with Ray alters his understanding of love and sex, but by the end of the movie, he has a much clearer idea about what he wants in life. While a case can definitely be made for the idea that Colin truly fell in love with Ray, their relationship cannot exactly be categorized in simple terms. Given how abusive it gets at times, an equally viable interpretation is that Colin is merely gravitating towards his abuser’s definitions of what sex and affection mean. It is only in the end that Colin kisses Ray and feels a true, intensely romantic sensation, but by then, it is already too late. Even if he did love Ray on some level, those feelings take a backseat when it is confirmed that Ray will not return. Instead, Colin decides to start from scratch, this time with more caution and wisdom.
Who is the New Guy? Will Darren and Colin End up Together?
In the ending of ‘Pillion,’ Colin, after moving on from Ray and learning from his traumatic past, decides to set up a dating profile that clearly defines his preferences and boundaries in a BDSM relationship. This is perhaps the most drastic shift between his past and present self, as in his first meetup with Ray, he was denied something very fundamental: knowledge. As someone with no prior exposure to the world of dominance and submission, Colin was almost forced into this sexual dynamic against his better judgment. Now, with all the context in the back of his mind, Colin makes a much more educated profile, minimizing the chances of an abusive relationship that always threatens the boundaries of consent, as was the case with Ray.
The first person that Colin matches with after setting up his profile is a man named Darren, who sets up a date at a football court. This brings new life to the sports motif of the movie, as while in the last iteration, Colin and Ray’s time together ended after the wrestling match kiss, here we see Colin voluntarily submit himself. This is symbolized by him tying Darren’s shoelaces and later acknowledging that he knows how to cook. However, this line alone can also be interpreted to have a negative connotation, as Colin got better at cooking solely to accommodate Ray’s toxic lifestyle. While it is possible that a part of Colin has internalized his trauma, that strips away a huge chunk of the character’s agency. Regardless of the decisions he makes in the future, it is clear that Colin is now a much more self-affirmative version of himself, and no longer just the pillion rider in spirit.
